How to write an obituary that feels like them

A blank page can feel like a lot when you are trying to write about someone you love. There may be dates to check, people to mention, and a feeling that no words could possibly be enough. An obituary does not have to tell every part of a life. It can simply help people recognise the person you remember.

Start with the person, then the details

Before writing full sentences, make a short list. What did they love doing? What could always make them laugh? What would a visitor notice in their home? A familiar phrase, a favourite walk, or a habit at the kitchen table can be a useful starting point.

You might begin with something as simple as: “Eleanor always made room for one more person at the table.” A sentence like that gives you somewhere to go. You can explain who gathered there, what she cooked, or why those afternoons mattered.

Use a simple shape

If you want a little structure, try these four parts:

1. Introduce them. Give their name and the details you want readers to know.
2. Describe their life. Choose a few relationships, interests, or milestones that mattered to them.
3. Share something personal. Include a small story or a detail that sounds unmistakably like them.
4. Close in your own words. Say how they will be remembered, or invite others to add their memories.

You can include service information separately, where it is easier for visitors to find. There is no need to turn the life story into an announcement if that does not feel right.

Ask one specific question

When asking relatives or friends for help, a small question is often easier to answer than “What should we write?” Try “What is a moment with them that you still think about?” or “What did they teach you?” A short reply may give you the most personal line in the whole piece.

Check names, dates, and relationships together. Before including a private story or someone else’s words, ask whether they are comfortable sharing them on the page.

Read it aloud

Reading the draft aloud can help you hear where the language feels natural and where it sounds too formal. Use the name people actually called them. Keep a funny or ordinary detail if it belongs. The aim is recognition, rather than polished language for its own sake.

Leave room to return

You can begin with a few paragraphs and add more later. On a memorial page, the obituary can sit alongside photographs, a timeline, and memories from other people. It does not have to carry the whole story alone.

When you feel ready, start a private memorial and write a little at a time. You can review the saved page before deciding to publish it.